I haven't posted anything other than Twitters in a while, mostly because it would be more of the same old thing: I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate the world right now. My stomach is eating me from the inside, I haven't slept well since a night in December 2007 at JKev's loft in Atlanta.
I don't know why I find working for this company so soul-destroying. The one thing that keeps me here is the pay. Finding something else in this city that will pay me what I am making...It's tough. In these economic times I know I need to just "shut up and color." But I am being ground down by the machine. I don't know how much of me is left. Not a whole lot. I don't read books anymore, I barely have the attention span to get through a TV show. I don't make things anymore. I go through the motions of being me, but I increasingly feel there is no "me" there, just patterns of remembered behavior.
I keep searching for something that will make the misery end that isn't a pemanent solution. There is no one to turn to who can magically make it better, my friends all have dysfunctions of their own, there is no magic gadget that can distract me, no place to run to that can hide me from me. I am tired. I have been tired. And there seems no end in sight.
Typing this out in the parking lot at work, sitting in the car in lieu of lunch. Time to paste on the happy face and finish off my 4 remaining hours in purgatory.
Posted via LiveJournal.app.