I'm sputtering.
I'm quaking in my frickin' boots.
I don't even know how to discuss it here.
My work life has gone crazy; it's bizarro world.
It's either the biggest opportunity EVAH, or an opportunity to burn out magnificently in flames.
And I am so not ready!
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(Groo reference for you comic book geeks)
Stayed home from work yesterday even though I didn't feel that bad... At work this morning and I'm rapidly feeling worse. Psychological, maybe.
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I haven't posted anything other than Twitters in a while, mostly because it would be more of the same old thing: I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate the world right now. My stomach is eating me from the inside, I haven't slept well since a night in December 2007 at JKev's loft in Atlanta.
I don't know why I find working for this company so soul-destroying. The one thing that keeps me here is the pay. Finding something else in this city that will pay me what I am making...It's tough. In these economic times I know I need to just "shut up and color." But I am being ground down by the machine. I don't know how much of me is left. Not a whole lot. I don't read books anymore, I barely have the attention span to get through a TV show. I don't make things anymore. I go through the motions of being me, but I increasingly feel there is no "me" there, just patterns of remembered behavior.
I keep searching for something that will make the misery end that isn't a pemanent solution. There is no one to turn to who can magically make it better, my friends all have dysfunctions of their own, there is no magic gadget that can distract me, no place to run to that can hide me from me. I am tired. I have been tired. And there seems no end in sight.
Typing this out in the parking lot at work, sitting in the car in lieu of lunch. Time to paste on the happy face and finish off my 4 remaining hours in purgatory.
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Having a suckilicious day of suckitude not to be imagined in the annals of suckiness. Well, it's really not that bad but I certainly don't want to be here at work on a day everyone else I know is off. And it's nice out to boot. Insult to injury. Lemon juice on a paper cut. And will anyone think of having lunch w/me to console me in the suckfest that is today? I think not. Too busy lolling about in the decadence of a holiday I don't get to have.
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We've been frying up a turkey for Thanksgiving instead for a few years now. I don't think we've actually roasted one yet...
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After two years of doing without, we finally bought a new oven; it will be delivered Wednesday of this week.
We dithered about so long because we were trying to decide whether to enlarge the cubby--it's a double wall oven from 1963 and finding the right size was problemmatical at best. I found a GE and a Maytag that would fit. We would have to remodel the kitchen, otherwise. Was kinds hoping to find a convection oven that would fit, but, alas, no...
Further shocker, the saleswoman offered to see if we qualified for 1 year same as cash. I thought, "No way, Jose, am I gonna get cleared.". Surprise...and a generous credit line at that! Scary, very scary!
It will be nice to have roast beef and meatloaf and be able to bake again! Celebratory cupcakes will be baked Wed. night! Brownies to follow!
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momijizukamori
